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| OKAY. Now that Camp React has ended with a bang I should have a few things to say. Of course thanking everyone for making this possible is inevitable and necessary, especially yiyong who daoed our pw to crack his brains over camp react. And all the cute participants! Tee heee hee. Don't believe Cheng Aik when he says I'm a pedophile cause he's just jealous of me. I can't believe I had bunches of high school boys coming up to ask me what a pedophile meant. But its okay. I won them back at last.
When things pass so quickly, and so many things at that, I don't really feel inclined to talk about them all at once and that's cause I'm really tired. So I need to forgive myself for not taking down many humorous and interesting moments during camp react. But anyway here's a good one. A hci boy from andre and baifeng's group came up with this poem:
Jack and Jill went up the hill
Just to have some fun
But Jill forgot to take the pills
And now they have a son.
Go figure.
Of course, now I'm going berserk over OCIP! I haven't done so many things, etc. It's just all so fast. Before I can even stop to think and reflect about things (as I always do about big things), the next one comes up the previous becomes stale in my mind, or it just disappears before I can hold on to it. Which is a pity, cause I think reflection's important. Well, I've learnt many things and gained more than I have sacrificed, which is low opportunity cost for me in these things. Maybe the only thing I really minded was time, but it was time well spent. Could have been better, but is good enough for me. I guess so far the only thing I regretted was not mugging like a snail (don't ask why) for math.
Anyway, I thought I had settled some of my feelings pretty well since months ago, cause I had little distractions and stuff. This must be intensely private, but anyway I shall divulge some of these crazy thoughts whirling inside my mind. I THINK I AM MAD. I actually thought of that. Just when I thought I was going to be fine at least until the end of next year, my overwhelming instincts picked up again, this time quite surprisingly, even for me. I feel some things again, like I did a long time ago...maybe almost a year? Well, but in this case, its really not a good thing. I've been halfway trying to get rid of these feelings and trying to capture them for a long time. Through the year, I became numb...and after angsting, I thought it'd be good to stay that way. I was relatively happy. But things happen and I'm sitting alone in my room, trying furiously to curb it now. ARGH. Save my soul! I will have to restore my heart to order.
On a happier and lighter note, I've got Stefan Jackiw's debut recital concert tix in December! WHEE!!!
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| I WANT TO WATCH STEFAN JACKIW IN KOREA IN DECEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Best best best violinist ever (minus the old schools haha)
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| I'm suddenly caught on this Andrea Bocelli fever amidst my mathematical struggle. I'm listening to vivere non-stop. My all time favourite is sogno. Go listen to it, I'm sure it'll lift you up, unless you hate anything remotely linked to classical cause this is not exactly classical and its the furthest I drift from mainstream classical. Actually I've always liked him and his songs are always high up on my voice favourites (i'm not really a sucker for opera). I think I'll totally marry him if not for the fact that he's got a really hot girlfriend, is about 30 plus years older than me (i think) and that he lives thousands of miles away from me. sigh.
Well today I was planning to go do eom in national library but expectedly, my plans fell apart after a two and a half hour romp at Ion with Tammie, Hannah, Zachary, Yiyong and Shawn. It was only 2 and a half hours but I was really tired. I guess it must be the after effect of staying up till 12.50 (gasp!) on thurs for KI. And I was so amazed that I was bright awake and energetic on Friday. It just killed me on Saturday. My beautiful Saturday. Sigh. I must sleep. And gear up for Monday's munchkins duel. Lol. Friday was epic and I was revealed to the cruelest side of human nature. You hard-hearted adamant! argh now I know what this part of the tagline meant "backstab your buddies". =.= Actually I backstabbed De Yi. Heh. Sorry! It was only once and a last-ditch attempt to stop you from winning. Seriously I wouldn't have done it at any other point of time.
Anyway I think I'm gonna start mugging really hard cause I counted that I'll have to get about 90 + for math promos to get an A. oh my goodness. I calculated it during dinner cause I couldn't stop thinking about it and rice nearly fell out from my mouth. geez.
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| KI OR MATH KI OR MATH KI OR MATH. Oh dear. I think I'm sleeping too much. I go to bed at 9.30 but in the afternoon I take a 1 hour nap. Or generally i'm wasting too much time. I usually waste about 2-3 hours in school hanging out at the class bench or playing munchkins (which is oh so addictive). Then by the time I reach home it's about 3. Then I'll go bathe and tidy things and stuff. That'll make it 4. Then I'll go to sleep. That'll be about 5. Then two hours of lying around. going on the net playing piano and dinner and sleep. I think I'm the most unproductive person ever. Why am I even in HP a social construct built for highly efficient self-motivated ambitious creatures? All I ever seriously wanted to be was a conductor and now I don't even know what I wanna do. Oxbridge may be for security but I can derive no possible elation from it. Well perhaps unless I do lit since I like writing but...oh wells. This is a perplexing issue. I'm not even that smart.
Anyway. ARGH. I need to regain all my inspiration and motivation. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE. Where has it gone my pathetic life's driving force. I feel tired. Sick and tired. Geez and it's not even the time of the month. (Trust me it was worse last week when it came).
"...it was a beloved structure, and I weep for the loss of love, not of him or her."
AHHHHHHHHHH
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| I wish I'm afraid everyday of my life so I'll actually start studying. I really can't get started. No kidding. This slack culture is getting into me and while I busk in it everyone is locked up in their closets mugging (or so my paranoia tells me). Worst of all, my mum is getting into her usual routine of tempting me. She bought his whole stack of korean dramas just two days ago and just had to switch one of them on while I was eating. There goes. I spent my last two days trying to finish it. SERIOUSLY!!! AHHH whether I think korean dramas are substantial or not has no effect on how my superficial and day dreaming side is drawn to it. You know I think these dramas have to be banned for sanity's sake. Normally it will take me a few days to recover from that "Oh my god I wish that will happen to me" and "my life is so unbearably boring" state, which I will get hypnotized into after watching korean shows. Geez I do know men and chances like that don't exist but it just disturbs me.
Anyway I think I better get started now. Early release due to national day did not help. Anyway the whole celebration itself was quite a waste of time. But thankfully, it didn't drag on, and was pretty short. We were so bored listening to the Everest talk etc. and started talking about our potential sl project which has no started at all. Then, we listened to De Yi talk about the prize he got in primary school for best suggestion in the suggestion box or whatever because (he speculated) he was the only one who wrote in english they understood. Anyway. Oh dear I jsut saw how many anyways there are. That just shows how trivial the things my life revolve around are. Damn I'm gonna shut up now and go study.
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| CT session was most hilarious yesterday. Nat and I were planning to run away but it turned out more interesting than expected so we stayed. Council was asking for suggestions.
"You can send you your feedback and tell us what you want in the welfare room...food stocks, guitar loans..."
Me: Piano loans
Nat: !?
Me: violin loans, cello loans
Nat: You need boyfriend loans.
There were other stuff but I couldn't remember the details, only how hard me and nat laughed. CT sessions lol. Anyway De yi is so inspired to help others he went for blood donation drive for the second time (I'm more compelled to believe he was hankering after the free food) and it was another hilarious escapade. We were surprised to run into Melissa Wong and Kee En (especially). De Yi was convinced that Kee En was trying to atone for his sins and later settled to thinking that he was (like him), after the free food.
Sigh lazy day.
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| Life is picking up pace since the blocks aftermath. Now I'm faced with 8 weeks and tons of mugging to do. AH! It doesn't help that I'm at one of my most emotionally unstable periods of time right now. I'm doused in unusually large amounts of angst and frustration towards many things and people. Feelings are embedded within us for a fine reason and I think mine's an overkill. When you have tons of work, catching up, and pms, it doesn't help to experience one of the most mystical forces in the world in its most lethal forms too. Well I was warned against treading into the minefield of this force, but sometimes we don't really know. That's the bad part. Now, I can't even get out. It's called a minefield for a reason.
Ok let's see if we change the analogy. Other times (perhaps with some semblance to this time), you just don't want to get out. It's cliché, but it's like having cocaine or something. It's probably going to turn out really bad, but you just aren't willing to give it up. I tried talking myself out of it umpteen times but if it had worked, it would at the first. I'm still trying, but my heart is not yielding. That's why animals are better off in many ways. I've always thought that we should just succumb to our animal desires, if not it's unnatural. Even if its self-destructive, it will be a romantic death.
In any case, I'm in dire need of a life vest now. I think my face must have turned purple by now from the poison and even though I like purple very much, I don't think it's a nice shade for my face. | |
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| Well I noticed that I have been posting less and less but there's currently this need to whine here so here goes. I NEED LIKE 10 DAYS A WEEK!!! I have totally no time to practice piano. Playing less and less recently. that's really bad I may not get ready for the exam in time, so i may just have to postpone it damn. And why does it feel as if the world is conspiring to make me sleep less? I get progressively lesser sleep too. Maybe its just me cause I get no work done and still end up sleeping late. I'm not kidding. Maybe its Sims3. AHHHHHH
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| I am SO tired. There's this global financial crisis conference in AJC tomorrow and I am freaking out. Ok maybe not really freaking out but just kinda like "Oh no". I'm really a fool at economics and I seldom ever read the newspaper or most things economic in nature (sorry Mr. Barnard). WHY ME! I'm not even allowed to reject. Please go ask someone like Shawn Teo to go instead of pathetic me.
And election results were out today. PHEW. Honestly I was totally phew when i heard my name it seemed kinda surreal. Still it disturbs me that I must have been frantically discussed or at least discussed/analysed in some way during the course of the elections. Now I'm abit unsure as to how I shall face some of my seniors. There's this strain of awkward tension I think cause I really don't enjoy some sorts of ambiguity. This is one of them. It's as if someone's formed an opinion about you already and you don't know what it is and can't do anything to change or correct it if necessary. But nevertheless, I felt accomplished.
SIGH. Zhenni left today I'm so sad. I couldn't even say bye to her for the last time because I freaking called her 1 hour before the flight and forgot that she had to return the phone before she goes into the departure hall. Events leading from my birthday till now have been rather heartwarming. I have met so many people I couldn't meet for ages. Like huiyu, ping, michelle. It just reminds me of the good ole SC days. haha. where everything is sugar spice and everything nice and we were like roses in the greenhouse. Seriously. We were unbelievably sheltered and what's more unbelievable is that I only realised it this year.
As for my peeps who have gotten me birthday presents and stuff thanks alot! Nat I love your CD. Unknowingly you have bought a version with pretty good interpreters. De yi thanks so much for sending me so many postcards! It came across to me as really sincere so I really do appreciate it. Shufen and wangxun as usual going out of their ways to buy me ridiculously expensive gifts...zhenni spending my pre-birthday with me and last but not least yichieh! I received your present today! It's so sweet of you to send a parcel for me all the way from US! I really like it! Thanks a bunch!
Hearts, hugs and kisses <3 | |
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| Its been another week and lots of things have flown by so I'm just gonna address some issues:
1. Michael Jackson's death
Terribly terribly tragic. He was undoubtedly one of the most talented (despite not listening to pop rock or whatever contemporary genres), most classily clad (think trashy rappers), stylistically defined and most misunderstood entertainers in history. I was quite traumatized by his death. God knows how his children will take it! Geez. I thought he led a rather sad life and such an abrupt end to what have been a chance for comeback is just painful.
2. French.
I just started my French lessons at Alliance Francaise. Hmm. How do I put this. Lessons are interestingly relaxed and slightly not constructive. Breaks seem never ending for there's no stipulated time for breaks. Et mon professeur...he's really interesting. He came strolling in 20 mins late on the first lesson with knee length shorts, a t shirt and a sling bag with sport shoes. He looked like anything but a teacher. He proceeded to say hi to most of the students (most of them knew him already) and took attendance. Then he looked at me and said "You look really young. How old are you?". I said seventeen and he was like "Ah that's young are you married mon bébé?"
Well that was my nickname for the rest of the day but this week it changed to madame taxi 3 (cause I couldn't get the textbook and he had to photocopy parts of it for me) and cleopatra junior (cause of my fringe =.=). Anyway it was real slack and some fun.
3. PPP
Thankfully food went well. I was really worried things wouldn't work out like there was too little food or the cooking will turn out bad and stuff. But thank the gods it was ok and in fact there was more than enough food. Which was kinda heartbreaking. Like one whole tray of pasta was untouched. Ouch. And a huge tray of soba was left over on top of the other wasted food. Sigh. The setting was cool too a perfect place to catch up with friends and have a calm evening (though there were a couple of moments bordering on wild).
4. Elections
Ok I doubt anyone really reads my blog but still PLEASE VOTE FOR ME (I'm Zoe by the way). It's tomorrow anyway and people should be sleeping by now. My bedtime has passed by 1 hour but that's cause I went out with Zhenni. Anyway. Believe me I'm going to deliver you.
5. Busy
I need sleep life has been too busy recently. I've been spending quite some time on sims3 and stuff yeah. sinful. Yes. What am I doing now.
To end it off, I'll read some nice lines from poet's choice.
This is from the vietnamese poet Xuan Quyhn. Obviously its translated but still beautiful
"It's a season of hopes and dreams,
Of man's ancient and innumerable cravings.
Winds turn to storms, rains into rivers and seas.
A simple glance might light the spark of love."
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